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The Golfers
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

Ben searches diligently throught the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here."

Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What's the matter Ben?"

Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

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Postal Job
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?' He says 'Yes -just caffeine.' 'Have you ever been in the service?' 'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.'

The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way? The guy says, 'Yes, 100%. An IED exploded near me and blew off my butt.'

The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now.

Normal hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 AM and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.'

The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 4 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?'

'This is a government job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our butts. No point in you coming in for that.'

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Forgetful Wife
Monday, August 25, 2008
While on a road trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch.

After finishing their meal, they left the restaurant and resumed their trip.

When leaving, the elderly woman unknowingly left her glasses on the table and she didn't miss them until they had been driving about twenty minutes.

By then, to add to the aggravation, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around -- in order to return to the restaurant to retrieve her glasses.

All the way back, the elderly husband became the classic grouchy old man.

He fussed and complained and scolded his wife relentlessly during the entire return drive. The more he chided her -- the more agitated he became. He just wouldn't let up one minute.

To her relief, they finally arrived at the restaurant.

As the woman got out of the car and hurried inside to retrieve her glasses, the old geezer yelled to her

"While you're in there, you might as well get my hat and the credit card."

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The Old Couple
Sunday, August 24, 2008
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.'

The fairy waved her magic wand and poof! 2 tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.'

The wife, and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof! The husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful jerks should remember fairies are female!

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Port-A-Potty
Saturday, August 23, 2008
One day Peter was driving by a Port-a-Potty yard, and thought to himself "Man I sure could get some privacy in one of those." so he pulls over and decides to rent one.

So Peter takes The Port-a-Potty home and puts it on his property.

A couple of days go by and the salesman happen to drive by and he see's a T.V. antenna on top, so he decides to pull over to find out what the deal was.

The salesman goes up to the door and knocks,Peter opens the door surprised to see the man, the salesman asks Peter what the T.V. antenna was for. Peter replies, "well I have all the comforts of home a T.V.and a toilet what more could a man need" the salesman replies."

"Well so long as you pay for it"

A week goes by and the salesman drives by again and sees a second antenna on top curious the salesman decides to stop, once again he knocks on the door.

Peter answers and says "may I help you sir?"

The salesman replies, "I was driving by and noticed a second antenna I'm curious to what it's for?"

Well Peter replied I'm renting the basement to my brother!!

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